She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
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Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
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There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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