I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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