My nipple is on Facebook.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
