if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
