Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
