i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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