So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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