and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize