Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
