never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
