We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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