Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
