Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
