He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
