This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
