Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
