you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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