the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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