The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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