I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
