I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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