someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
