I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
