I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
