apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
