Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
