Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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