I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
