I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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