I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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