That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
