some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
