Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
