I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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