Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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