Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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