I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
