I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
