I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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