3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
