The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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