If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
