I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
