If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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