how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Can you bring me the toilet please
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
