Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
