youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
porn star boner night. come get it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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