I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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