I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
