dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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