What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
