she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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