R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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