The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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