Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
