So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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