At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
