He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I need a beard to bite.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again