The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
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I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
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stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.