Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.