I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
