I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My hand turned me down
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
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The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
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I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.