I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.