When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.