i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
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Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
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I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.