The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
