Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
