Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
