I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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