Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
