I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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