Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
